now what?

Over breakfast today, Blake said, "Momma, I like to go see Daddy today."

I'm...still chewing on this one. And weepy.

How long does the grief feel like this?

While I'm thrilled that he sees big Blake's absence as such, I'm also heartbroken by the sweetly innocent way he expresses his dissatisfaction with it. I know I'm doing it well or right or however you want to categorize it, but my heart still hurts.

Is this pain holding me back from moving on with a new fellow, or is God keeping me from more pain by not allowing me to rush it? Forgive me, but three damned years doesn't feel like a rush.