Sunday, September 22, 2013

that's what we said

A: (via text) Is Blake down there? He didn't have permission to invite himself in.
H: (my neighbor, 3 boys of her own) I'm not home right now, but he might have gone to the park with G and T.
A: Which he also didn't have permission to do. GRR.
(to Rob) Well, we're eating without him. Dinner is ready, and his can get cold until he comes home or I go find him.
B: Hi, Mom!
A: (via text to neighbor) Never mind. He was in his room. This is me, winning at life.

L: I want babies until they do something baby-like, such as scream for no reason. Right now, Vesper makes me want a baby.
A: Give it time.

(not five minutes later)

A: Here, that should do it (showing L the poop smear on my shirt and frantically searching for a plastic bag in which to put a tiny pair of very fouled pants).
L: Aaaand I'm good!

E: Wait. What is "laying pipe?"
A: (with a knowing glance) It's a euphemism.
(muffled, through a facepalm) For sex.
M: Please don't draw a picture.

M: Do you always stick your face in food to smell it?
A: Not really. You have to kind of lick it. Just a little bit.

A: Urban Dictionary, but be careful.
S: Haha! "DICK...tionary?!"

R: Wow! You look really good!
A: Could you try to sound slightly less surprised when you say that?

A: I feel like a dirty old bird.
E: You're not old.

Friday, September 13, 2013

that's what he said

Blake is at the new school, which is about 4 blocks from our house. It's wonderful - he's biked to school every day, and if he can't bike, he can still walk and it will be FASTER than if we drove. Amazing. One of the conversations last week:

A: It's chilly. Do you need a sweatshirt?
B: Nope!
A: Really?
B: This is what living's all about, Mom: no sweatshirt whenever it's cold.

R: What did you guys learn about in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) tonight?
B: Genies. Something about genies.
R: The genealogy of Jesus?
B: That's it!

B: I don't think zombies are real. I think they are just huh-nipotized into thinking they want brains.
B: You know, when zombies want to eat your brains? I think someone huh-nipotized them.

When I correct this pronunciation of "hypnotized," he simply declares that he thinks you can say it both ways, and he likes his better. Straight outta Psych, and I am SO PROUD: "I've heard it both ways."

A: Can you take your cup over to the sink?
B: What? Oh! You mean my glass. Cups are plastic.
A: They are?
B: Yep. "Cups." Plastic. Glasses are glass. There you are, corrected by Einstein.