Thursday, November 5, 2009

family is a beautiful thing... or something

This one time, I went to Billings for a benefit held for Lane and Bing. Mostly Bing, because his heart is the one that's all screwed up and needs fixing or needs paying for the fixing, but since he married Lane, she comes with the package.

SO DO I. I would just like to point that out right now.

I would also like to point out that it's only Bing's physical heart that is scarred and broken. His metaphysical "heart and soul" kind of heart is one of the biggest, most tender, and sweetest ones I've ever encountered. He can still be mouthy, but that's his mouth. Not his heart.

Since I can also be rather mouthy (stop gasping - it is true - you will have to believe me), Bing and I have a lot of fun at each others' expense. He's great at playing the martyr, I'm great at shoving my feet in my mouth. It's a good time. You'd enjoy it!

At the benefit, also known as the Bing-efit, a few key things happened. First, I was enlisted by Bing's younger brother, Julian, to outbid any men for him in the bachelor auction. I cheerfully agreed and was sanguine about this until the first bachelor was bid up to something like $250. It was between a rather flamboyant gay man and a girl who appeared to be a sympathetic friend of this young bachelor. Turns out, to boost turn-out, the organizers of the event had posted the photos of the auctionees at the one gay bar in Billings.

Turn-out was boosted. And I tracked Julian down.

A: "Um, I didn't think you were serious... and if that last guy was any indication, I can't afford you!"
J: "Oh, don't worry, we can work something out."
A: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?! I love my husband and you live too far away to babysit!"
J: "Ha ha!"

Thankfully, he had other friends in the crowd who really wanted a date with him. Friends with lady bits, even! I was spared.

Second key thing: I punched Bing during some of our playful banter... right in the pacemaker.

Had he been thinking on his feet, he would have hit the ground and choked out "pace... maker!" before going into pretend convulsions. He wasn't thinking that fast and simply grimaced and pointed out the poor choice of location. I knew EXACTLY what had happened the moment my fist connected with him, and I have died a little inside each time I remember that event.

I think he's okay, but he DID have to bag a slightly retarded deer on our hunting trip. Poor guy.


Joy Joy said...

I love laughing out loud at your blog posts.

Lindsey K said...

ditto on Joy's comment

lanerdoo said...

Perfect account of those two key points. You really have a way of expressing yourself that makes me giggle. Thanks for that!

Grammie Perrine said...

... you better quit "hitting" on my boys... or I will tell Rob!