Tuesday, September 14, 2010

restoring the years the locust has eaten

A good friend (thanks Hannah!) sent these to me months ago, and I have saved them in my email inbox, wanting to share them but not sure how. I decided how today.

They are brief, well worth your time. Each time I revisit them, I cry in gratitude and hope. Big Blake's death has created in me fear that is not of the Lord. While I do not necessarily fear that Rob will die young (well, not often), I fear a God who has shown me that He is by no means safe. He is very frightening sometimes. He is good, yes, but He is not safe.

In my focus on one side of the Lord, I have lost sight of the other: His graceful, gentle, overwhelming love for me. He does not simply teach us things through difficult and painful means (though, like my son, I often learn those lessons most deeply), but sometimes through His blessings and abundance. Lately I have begun to fear that His next lesson involves living in the condo indefinitely and no more children - that my life will be in a frustrated, unhappy stasis until I learn peace in the pause.

These give me hope and a renewed sense of His compassion. They also make me want to yank out the IUD and have a baby.


naomi said...

Well there just went an hour of my life! Thanks for sharing. :)

Sharon said...

Thanks for sharing these writings, Addie. I can't know how personal they are to you, but I can know how precious the reminders are about everything surrounding motherhood. May you be extremely blessed today as you mother ;)

After reading Molly P's latest blog entry, http://mollypiper.com/2010/09/off-to-kindergarten/
I thought also of you and Blake...

Unknown said...

You're welcome! The poem is in the process of becoming a piece of art to hang in my counseling room. I think of it daily. (The artist I "commissioned" lost her sister this past summer, so the poem has become even more bittersweet for the Covenant Community).

Secondly, have you read about the twist? I was surprised!