busy

So, we get to go to Plentywood this weekend. While I am glad to visit Daddy Blake's father & step-mother, I am also busier than a one-legged man at a butt kicking contest. What with mundane things like making sure my budget and I are on friendly terms, laundry, and work, I barely have time for all the other things I like to cram in. I'm finally working on Erin's (Blake's sister) wedding album, while watching The Office. I would like to fill holes and caulk my baseboard that's been in since, oh, MAY...except that I would not like to do that. I would like that to magically be done for me.

I had a friend over for dinner last night, which was great, and I have growth group tonight that I doubt I'll make. I have good reason (Blake's got a cough, it really messes with his schedule, and see above for busy-ness description), but I feel like a flake. Tomorrow has a work meeting, work, dentist appointment, work, discipler meeting, drive to Billings. I think I can do it all, it's just that I chose a poor day for a dentist appointment...but to be fair, I chose it six months ago. Also, dentist appointments with braces are almost laughable. They clean what they can (almost nothing), make sure I don't have any tumors or anything, then send me on my way. The discipleship meeting promises to be far more painful. I'm looking into the mirror of God's Word to find the gaping wounds in my soul, then taking steps (or claiming God's steps) to fix them. Hmm, what would cause a gaping wound in my life...?

This week began well, and yesterday was discouraging again. I got some financial news that was not helpful to me. After a pleasant dinner with my friend (I made soup - without a recipe - and it was good!), I tackled my budget. Yuck. Looks like I have what it takes though, which put me a much more peaceful frame of mind. I don't doubt that my whispered prayers throughout the budget analysis helped: "God, I know that you can provide for this. You know I am tapped out for hours, so I can't just work more...but I need provision."

I was hesitant to say it when I first started the blog, but I suppose this endeavor is worthless if I am not going to be really honest: I think the discouragement is a key tool in Satan's spiritual warfare against me in my efforts to put my spiritual and emotional house in order. See, now, while that's not that revolutionary a sentence for me, there are those of you out there for whom it will be akin to me writing "and then I talked to a unicorn living in my crawl space, while little fairies danced about."

I'm ok with that. See, in my existence as a comfortable, middle-class white chick, I am unlikely to be martyred for my faith in the typical sense of the word. The only martyrdom I will probably know is being continually misunderstood for my faith. Funny how painful that can be - I would much rather be heroically put to the sword for loving Jesus than misunderstood.

On the Blake end of things, I am trying new tactics to encourage his timely obedience. It's hard to do without yelling or bribing, or feeling like you are disciplining all the time. Still, I value consistency, and he's been getting the short end of the stick lately, what with all that I've put on my plate. I try to require obedience that is "all the way, right away, and with a happy heart." He is nonplussed. He's also got a lot of attitude lately. I know, he's two, but that's not a valid excuse. When all your needs are met (and met well, might I add), you have little to complain about.

Of course, that doesn't stop me from whining to God almost constantly.

Still, I continue to pray that God would fill the hole in our little family. Until He does so with a real live fella, I'm praying that God would satisfy each need left by that hole. I don't really know what that looks like, but I'm praying it nonetheless.