bittersweet

I packed my son off to Billings about an hour ago. It is much harder than I thought it would be. I am not a worrier, but this trip is very different. First of all, I usually leave him. Second, my departures are often in the wee hours, so we've said good-bye at the same time we said good-night. Third, leaving him with Grammie & Papaw is different than sending him with cousin Aubyn for a two hour drive on Montana roads in December.

I am still not a worrier, but I have a stomach and head ache from vigorously thinking about anything other than terrible things. It's one thing to have horrible ideas jump into my head when my son is cheerful and next to me. It's quite another to have them appear while knowing he's trucking down the road at 75 mph...without me.

I'm very conflicted about all this! The opportunity to do things without the limitations of nap and bed times, or attitude problems (other than my own), is a wonderful one. However, I miss him already and can only imagine all the phone calls that will be made between Bozeman and Billings these next few days. In fact, maybe I'll call Aubyn right now, just for peace of mind.