grief

I am sick and tired of working through grief. I want to be done, and every time I make significant progress, seems like something comes along to completely and utterly cut me off at the knees. What's so screwed up is that these things are pretty unrelated to my specific cause of grief...but down I go.

I hate feeling like every stupid thing comes back to ME. I hate feeling like something that will be an enormous difficulty for someone else, someone I love very much, is making ME sad. It feels selfish and ugly and sinful.

But...I love my discipler. She gives me tools to work through things, specific interpretations of my feelings so it's not ALL ABOUT ME, and specific action items so that I can move towards healing in a purposeful way. She validates some of the feelings that are so ugly to me and points out the danger or sin of others so that I can address them, let go, and move beyond.

And yet I know that I am so not close to being done grieving. I hate that too.