Monday, August 25, 2008

how to offend 101

Blake and I went to the Bear Canyon pool with some friends today, and as we were packing up, Blake decided he needed to go potty (he tends to swallow almost as much water as he spits out). He let himself out of the enclosure, walked down to the grass (about ten feet), dropped trou, and proceeded to relieve himself in the grass.

I can't decide if I should spin this as "I was slightly embarrassed and told him to use the potty," or "I was encouraging him to aim far and was thrilled he didn't pee down his leg." Those who know me know it's the latter, OF COURSE. Blake pees in the grass sometimes, and I don't think it's that big a deal. Truth be told, I think the grass is a great choice when compared to the side of a building, the street, or your car tire... don't you agree?

Well, I told him to pull his britches up and get back inside the enclosure so we could get dressed and go home. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone doing something near the potty spot on the concrete path. When I straightened from getting Blake squared away, I peered a little closer, then looked up surprised and a little ticked at the guy walking away across the lawn to his campsite (about 25 yards away). A large arrow and "PEE!" had been written on the sidewalk with some other kids' chalk that was laying nearby.

I was a bit taken aback and told the girls to check it out (one had commented earlier on all the photos she had of my son's backside as he proceeded to anoint corners - not the middle! - of her yard the last time we were there). My dear friend, who is now one of my heroes, was indignant.

"How dare he?! Would he have done the same if his dog had done that? Where's the compassion for a kid who's potty-training?" and more to that effect. I was so entertained and gratified by her pique that it took the wind out of my own (I can tend to get quite offended sometimes), and we all kept wrapping things up. Finally, all my stuff collected, I left the enclosure, picked up the same piece of chalk, and was contributing my own statement when the man came up behind me and said,

"I'm not trying to start anything here."

"Oh, ME EITHER," I said mildly as I finished writing "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

This friend (whose privacy I'm protecting in case she experiences any regret - even though she's cemented her status in my heart as one of the most awesome people ever) then told him right off that she wasn't impressed by his labeling and asked him point blank if he would have done the same thing if it had been a dog. He mumbled something I didn't catch and beat a hasty retreat. After we dismissed his actions even more thoroughly to one another, the woman I assumed was his wife also left (she'd come in right behind him).

I walked away feeling slightly embarrassed that someone else had stood up for me so thoroughly and also really grateful that they'd done so.

Now, I'm thinking the guy was trying to keep his family from walking in my kid's urine, which I understand. I probably should have dumped a bunch of water over it to make the grass even more wet - er, clean. I AM trying to get Blake to go potty in the potty, but sometimes that's not always possible with the poor kid's limited control, and other folks' lack of understanding isn't very helpful.

Maybe my chalk reply should have been "At least it's not IN THE POOL!"


Anonymous said...

I just clicked "share on facebook" That was AWESOME! Although I probably would have walked over and wrote "asshole" with an arrow pointing to his campsite.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Can't believe we chose to stay home. We missed a showdown. BTW: I'll return your phone call tonight!

Joy Joy said...

So I'm dying to know what you DID write! Also, pee is sterile (listen to the nurse in me!). The water you thought about pouring over it is probably dirtier than the pee itself. So that guy can just . . .

Gucci Mama said...

I probably would have handed that man his hind end on a silver platter. And then maybe told my son it would be OK to pee on the guy. Just that once.