I am on the edge, I tell you what. Rob, Blake, and I got back to Bozeman Wednesday night, and I've been going ever since, but I can't really tell that I've made progress anywhere.
Except that I did feed us the whole time he was here. I guess there is that. He left today and it is anyone's guess what we're having for dinner. My vote? Cereal.
I'm feeling the weight of keeping people informed, and the panic of inadvertently NOT informing such key people as friends who changed my diapers, friends who keep me sane, and my entire set of immediate in-laws. Each of these groups have been left out of one email/phone call or another, and I'm not sure why. Because I am a bad person? That's the only explanation that comes to mind right now... except that I'm also just a total space cadet. That doesn't help.
Also, despite my intent to remain calm and collected while running my life as normal, I've been up until 1:00 am every night trying to regain my footing around the house, or with my thank-you notes, or with my email, or with my wedding stuff. And I don't sleep well, long enough, or deeply enough. I am understandably really fun to be around right now. We should go to the park!
So here's the thing: Rob and I are getting married on April 11th in Bozeman. It will be an evening wedding, simple and not at all small. I hope to look fabulous, and I think Rob wants to be dashing. Or maybe I am projecting... but I don't think he'd argue. And while I am slightly panicked at the sheer numbers of folks we're inviting (except... oh, wait... I'M inviting the hordes), when I take a deep breath and look at my life, I am so enormously blessed that there might be several hundred people interested in witnessing the answer to all our prayers for the last four years.
I might get a little whiney on this blog and in your hearing, but I hope it's always wry and with a real sense of humor. Because "Waah waah waah - all my needs are met. A lot of people love me and want to celebrate with us. BOO HOO!"
Because gosh, there are a lot of you. And I should know - I made the guest list. It's frickin' huge.
I guess I would rather cast the net wide and give guests the option of saying no than cast too small and say no for you. I'm not oblivious to the fact that due to the traumatic events in my life, you've circled round me, held me up (sometimes physically, but most often in prayer), and taken a deeper care and interest in the future for me and my boy. As much as big Blake's death shook my faith, I know it shook the faith of many of you. And so I owe it to you. I owe it to the Lord. I owe it to little Blake and to Rob.
Look at what God has brought about! Rejoice with me, for He will restore the years the locusts have eaten.