weather channel and all my words

The Weather Channel/NBC did an AWESOME job on the story. I was nervous, so I started to make dinner just before the show started, which was artful and wise. I was distracted during the commercial breaks and managed to be sure I was in the kitchen when they talked about big Blake's death.

I can talk about that myself (very abstractly), but hearing the actual trauma inflicted upon one whom I love from another person is unbelievably painful. As in, 'Who the hell are you to speak of it so off-hand?!' Then I cry.

Last night, I got weepy in parts, but no wrenching sobs like on Saturday, when I watched a few clips online. The merely weepy was good - little Blake was watching with us, and I didn't want to freak him out. He was thrilled to see people he knew on the TV, saying "I saw Sam on TV!" and "I saw Uncle Matt on TV!" and "Mom, was that my dad that died?" Rob and I handled it honestly and quietly, not getting too involved in our answers, but I think it helped B to see the examples of an avalanche. He asked where his Dad went at one point, to which I replied that this was when Daddy Blake died. He seemed unfazed and continued to watch raptly, which was a little strange for me, but I have to remember that B doesn't know the man I knew. Still, B found it especially exciting to see me and HIM on the TV, and at every commercial, he anxiously asked if the show was coming back on.

Side note: the commercials were timed very well and/or horribly, at the peak of the dramatic events. ARGH! But seriously, it helped to be in the kitchen. I recommend it for suspenseful shows.

At the end, I was pleased with the thoughtful and respectful way in which they told our story. It's hard to believe they trimmed it to less than thirty minutes (my interview alone was at least an hour), but they made us all look like bad-ass rock stars. The music behind their ski footage and reenactments was gritty rock (not sappy strings or piano), they didn't even hint at judgment about how the day unfolded, and both Sam and Matt (both shown often) came across as brave, sympathetic, and amazing men. I have tears in my eyes even now: I am so damned proud of every man up there that weekend.

Except the one who didn't come back. Of him, I am damned proud and also want to kick his ass a little.
*****

In wholly unrelated news, my mother asked if the silence on my blog was due to anything other than adjusting to marriage. Nope. I'm adjusting, and I'm using up all my words on Rob, so the internet gets short shrift.

Poor Rob.

The hardest part for me so far is letting go of some of my control issues (cue Addie's hysterical laughter). This is one of the things I was very clear-eyed about before marriage: a husband might solve some problems (the garbage keeps magically disappearing!), but will create or show me others (is there really a "wrong way" to sweep the floor?). Thankfully, Rob handles my crazy well, so when I just pour out a torrent of words analyzing both of us, the marriage, the way things are around the house, etc., he listens and nods. And he hugs me and saves his reply for later. WHAT A GOOD MAN! Also, I do him a big favor by tending to argue my side of a point, then his side. Really, he's barely got anything to do except listen and nod.

I really need to make him work harder... except... OH! Right. He has to live with me. But don't you worry, internet. I am making it well worth his while.

Wait... I was talking about cooking for him. What did YOU think I meant?