that's what he said

B: Mom, my penis is tickling me because it's moisturized.

*****
B: (hand on my arm, serious enough that I am concerned) MOM.

The droid is in your bed.

I WILL GO SHOOT HIM!

*****
B: I. SO. EMBARRASSEDED.
A: Why?
B: Because I wreckeded my fort. Not very unpolite for me.

*****
A: (tooting) Excuse me.
B: It wasn't you, it was my dad.
A: I like the way you think!

*****
B: Mom, why isn't Dad sleeping in your room?
A: He's staying at L & A's before the wedding.
B: Well, it's not very nice of you to not let him stay with us. That unpolite of you.
R: I like the way you think!

*****
B: Dad, your spankings don't hurt very much.
R: Oh, really?
B: No, but I have a really strong bottom.

*****
D: How did you end up with THESE guys?
B: (while with the entire Jordan family at the doctor's office) Yeah, so my mom got married to a guy and they went away and didn't tell anybody so I'm living with my friends Stephanie and Chase and this guy (motioning with thumb) lives there too.

"This guy" is my boss/friend/brother-from-another-mother.

*****
After picking him up post mini-moon, where he spent time with three of his favorites: Grammie G & Grampa Kent, the Jordan family, and the Kelly family.

A: Blake, I'm glad to see you. I really missed you this week!
B: Yeah. I missed your face.