that's what he said

AS: It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It's like her hips are disconnected from her body!
(while watching Beyonce's Single Ladies video... this man is well-known in UL circles and is something of an ascetic nomad, which is why his comment is particularly funny)

*****
M: Did you really push that sparker down on your bed last night?
S: Yeah. That was a dumb move.
A: Did it work?
S: Yes. I now have holes in my bedspread.

*****
A: I'm going to go warm your cinnamon rolls for breakfast. You get dressed, okay?
B: (turning to me seriously) Okay, but I don't want them warmed in the microwave. I just want them warmed, um, the way they're supposed to be. The right way.

*****
B: I think I just have a shart in my britches.

*****
B: (immediately after waking him up this morning) I like when I'm on Dad's shoulders. He's like the ice cream cone and I'm like the ice cream.
A: (laughing) Who said that? Did Dad say you were the ice cream?
B: No, I said that. I said that on Facebook.