E: And I'm thinking, "You take your foot off the gas, and I'll take mine off the brake!"
A: Are you teaching Driver's Training?
E: No, I'm dating.
M: Well, let her have fun, YA BITCH!
(I told her I'd anonymize it, but it's not nearly as fun: Mom, you're one of my favorite people, even though you said this to me.)
A: (sneeze) Excuse me.
B: You're excused.
A: Thank you.
B: You sneezeded. Why did you say "Excuse me?"
A: Because I sneezed. It's polite. You're supposed to say "Bless you."
B: Oh, MOM.