the tragedy of a warm home and a big television

I have all this stuff to say, but for one reason or another, my blog isn't the place to say it.

Aren't you proud of me, learning restraint and boundaries and stuff?!

Christmas hasn't totally taken me by surprise, but kind of. I have a very small number of gifts, all of which still need to be wrapped, because there's nothing quite as fun as messing with a child's head by displaying things that are clearly for them, but not to be touched. I haven't gotten to have that fun yet, which makes me think I clearly have my priorities askew by baking rather than wrapping.

I'm working from home with Blake here this month, which has been interesting, but in the sort of way that has me confessing sin more rather than drinking more. The good news is that in both a desire to exercise SOME discipline and a fear of what could happen if I didn't, I haven't been turning to beer or wine with dinner or before dinner or, heck, it's noon - how about lunch?

Instead, I find my nerves shredded beyond all reason, usually right when I need to be really productive with my job, which requires words and the ability to manipulate them. Blake's loving not going to preschool, except that he's bored all the time now. No, he doesn't want to go back, but is convinced he will die of the malaise of having nothing to do here at the house. It is SO SAD. His tragedy is epic in the extreme, but rather than mourn and grieve his imminent demise, he's glued to my side making sure that I will not, in fact, mourn or grieve once I've been given SOME SPACE.

Part of the problem is that it's been so stinking cold in Bozeman (-20 thank you very much!) that I've had my custom thermal blankets on the windows and the two honeycomb blinds drawn, so it's very much like a cave in the house. While I know this is helping it to stay warm without the heat running full blast and saving us a little coin, it is also driving both me and my boy batshit insane with cabin fever. Thankfully, it's warming up a bit, and I'm giving myself license to leave the house occasionally to see the sun and let Blake accidentally glom onto a stranger's side in Target for a little reprieve (except that really does alarm him - not like his imminent demise does, but in a way that keeps him that much closer to me the rest of the errand because he thinks I would leave him with a stranger forever and ever, and if I am going to leave him, can it please be with Stephie and Chase or maybe the Kelly family?). I've been trying to stay home to save myself from the temptation of buying a coffee I don't need or finding things at Target that I can't live without - trying to save money just works so much better from home! Also, who wants their sinus cavities to freeze upon contact with outside air?

The days that require more focus from me get more focus from Blake too - he gets to focus with a single-minded intent on the T.V. screen or the computer screen. At least he gets a ton of patch time, for it's one of the only ways I can justify using those one-eyed babysitters so heavily. His eye isn't getting better, unfortunately. I've seen, if anything, more noticeable crossing lately. Also, to combat the boredom, as soon as I hear that awful phrase, "I'm bored," he has a little jar full of things to do, and he MUST draw one out and do whatever it says. There are about eight fun things he'd love (Wii, read a book, play a game), and about twenty chores. I also drew up a chart showing his favorite toys/games and arranged it by which things he can do solo and which need permission first. Finally, he now has a chore chart, and when he completes all the tasks, he gets a set number of dollars. Clean his bathroom (AWESOME!), he gets two bucks. Vacuum all the corners in the house three times a week? One dollar. After his chore earnings combined with the small amount of cash he already had on hand, he had enough to buy himself a little Ironman figurine. He also rolled around in the dollars and rubbed his hands together greedily - why don't we have to be taught that sort of behavior?

He did, however, manage to sleep through last night without any accidents or bloody noses (he likes to use a down blanket to staunch the bleeding - makes for fun laundry, my new at-home hobby), so we are celebrating today. I'm having a coffee I don't need (homemade - I have the best source EVER, though she kind of judges me for foofying it up) and working, and Blake is having patch time with Star Wars Legos.

Also, I am NOT DOING LAUNDRY! Paaaaaaarty! Maybe I'll have a beer with lunch.