Saturday, December 19, 2009

riddle me this

I hate December (this one especially - it has been tough, and not necessarily just for the reason that's most obvious), but I love Christmas (especially the smells and the decorations and what it means for my eternity).

We've been reading through the Jesus Storybook Bible with Blake at night, and I love it. I love the dialog, I love the way the story of redemption is called "God's Secret Rescue Plan," and how His love is the "wonderful, Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love." I read these well known stories, made fresh and alive, to my son, and I weep for the joy of it... and for the pain. And Blake probably wonders why I am still crying, because I got the husband and daddy we were praying for, so really - what is the problem NOW, WOMAN?!

Today was a cathartic day, as I was able to attend the funeral for a woman who I've known since birth, or at least since I was cognizant of knowing someone. She died far too young (52), and the service was tenderly beautiful, honoring both her and the Lord. And I wept and wept and wept - but not for Marcia. I envy her. I wept for the sorrow being shouldered by her husband, daughter, grandkids, and friends. I wept for myself, missing Blake and being reminded of how lovely and terrible funerals are because death has been defeated but is still our enemy. I wept for the hope I have in Christ and for the longing I have for His tangible presence that is as yet unfulfilled. I wept when friends affirmed that I know grief too, that Blake's and my love was tangible and impacted others, and that time will continue to ease the ache (from another who knows crippling grief).

I did more crying today than I have in a long time, and it was good and it was hard and I really hate December.


T said...

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." A.Hepburn

My prayer for you is that, especially this December, you will continue to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. It's a continual PROCESS and I love your willingness to let me walk alongside you.

Janelle Wilson said...

I tend to think the same way about death/funerals. I'm not sad for the person who has passed necessarily, but for the people they left behind. It sucks, Addie. But you're proof that there is happiness after grief, and I'm sure people need to see that.

Grammie Perrine said...

No words... just hugs....