And I'm on to you, neighbors. That time you told me that you picked up after your dog? The time I watched you watch your dog poop, noticing that you did not have a bag in your hand, and right before I drove away, I asked you SPECIFICALLY if you picked up after her because my child and I like to play in the snow sometimes, and dog poop really puts a damper on that? You said of course or something equally reassuring, and I drove away cheerfully, but noticed that there always seemed to be a pile or five that conveniently got covered over by the next snow, making the yard area a toxic layer cake of BLAKE, DON'T GO IN THE SNOW! Do you know how cruel that is to a five-year-old boy, being banned from touching the snow right outside his door?
Too bad for you, the snow is all melting and I can see that you are in fact a big, poopy liar! And that you possibly have not picked up MOST of the winter. I want to pile up all the rotten poo (hundreds of dookies) on your doorstep, but I'm afraid you might not get the message that I hate you a little bit, and yes I realize that this post is diametrically opposed to the post below.
Let me clarify: I hope you know and love Jesus as your Lord and Savior and that we can laugh about this one day in paradise, where no one ever poops or where they have people whose joy in paradise is poo-collection, which is clearly not your strong suit here on earth. In fact, you can do the loving Jesus FIRST, THEN pick up all the dog poop that is somewhat incriminatingly concentrated on YOUR SIDE of the laughably small lawn we "share."
Until I can catch your dog in the act and catch you NOT picking up, though, you have the law on your side (and by law, I mean I WILL CALL THE COPS ON YOU and hope that they do not roll their eyes at me). And yes, I will be THAT neighbor, the one peeping through the blinds with a camera in order to force change, or at least bring down the fire in the form of a pitifully small financial consequence for your actions. Because if YOU won't discipline you, well then I GUESS I HAVE TO. And you should be grateful that I know YOU are the problem here, not your dog, or I'd be aiming a pellet gun rather than a camera lens.
Maybe I should do that anyway. "BAD owner!" (zing)
"OW!"
Then I would come running with a plastic bag for you. I'm nothing if not generous. I might even throw in a band-aid.
4 comments:
Preaching to the choir! Our duplex neighbors used to chain their pup on a chain just long enough to reach to our side of the yard. Since even a dog knows you don't crap where you sleep, he spent all winter crapping on OUR lawn. After it thawed, I confronted them and they said they heard about a spray that dissolves poop! I said, "Um, no. That's a movie with Jack Black." They insisted it was so, and they would get the spray. I said, "Until we have the technology, use a shovel." After a call AND letter to the landlord, it was finally dealt with. Poop heads.
Addie, I recall the same thing happening in the Rocky Bowl! They chained the fence and people were outraged that they couldn't walk their dogs on the grass...the football team had had enough of running their faces through dog poop every practice!
I love your BLOG!
Amen!
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