Wednesday, June 29, 2011

discouraged today

For a number of reasons, most of which revolve around waiting. Rob's surgery site is not healing nicely, due to a condition called "proud flesh," which are words I'd never use to describe my beloved, but apparently his flesh is not with the program. Warning on that link: there is a really icky picture that you may not want to scroll to.

I cannot help him treat or dress his wound due to my still-fragile stomach, which leads into the next discouraging thing: being pregnant-yet-not-pregnant. It's now been five weeks since the baby stopped growing, yet my body isn't quite ready to acknowledge that, I guess. It's hard to pray for a miscarriage to complete, hard to use some of the words that describe that process, hard to wait for, hard to contemplate the surgical option if I simply cannot wait any longer.

Though we're approved on the construction loan, there's been no news on the sale of the condo. No good news, but no bad news either, and again, I just have a hard time with the waiting of it.

It's been difficult for me to get out of bed the last few days, which is a shame, for it's lovely and finally summer here and rather abruptly so. My heart's just not into it lately, and being this vulnerable to actual people is scary and emotional right now, so I'll write it to the faceless internet and trust for prayers and hope it all means I won't cry very much.


Jamie said...

*Hug* I'm thinking of you and praying for you today, Addie.

Lindsey K said...

you can trust our prayers and our love for you.

Sharon said...

My prayers are with you all, Addie. Although I haven't faced your current, personal heart still goes out to you for that pain to be diminished. I also have been playing the "patient game," at times very unsuccessfully. When I shared my struggle with some Christian sisters, one of them printed this Scripture for me....and it stays within eyeshot: "I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." Lam. 3:25