Sunday, March 18, 2012

irrational fear is irrational and since when does pregnancy make one rational?

I have a prayer request. I'm struggling with irrational fear for this baby I'm carrying, though I can usually push it aside so long as I'm pushing back on the sharp little elbows and heels that keep digging into my sides. I didn't feel the baby move for almost two hours this morning, which is unusual (that's typically a pretty active time for the wee), and I found my heart gripped with fear and anxiety that something had happened, and the baby had died.

The root fear I struggle with is that all of my pregnancies will end with death.

I'm not fearful for Rob's or Blake's lives, but I am scared for this baby in a way that is a stronghold for me. I need to speak the fear to take away its power (I don't believe in jinxes, but it feels very very wrong to state that root fear), I need to tell others so they can be praying for me, and I need to be more intentional about praying God's Word over my heart and child.

Would you please join me with that? I don't want to give Satan a foothold, and I don't want to be paralyzed every time a certain small person decides to take a nap at an unusual time of day for them. This morning was really frightening, but thankfully, worship practice seemed to wake the little biscuit up and set my mind back at ease. I've been pushing back on sharp little elbows and heels the rest of today. Even when that's uncomfortable, it's incredibly reassuring.


Noel said...

You're on my mind today. Praying, dear one.

cathy said...

Addie, I pray that no matter what happens in your life and the lives or those you love, that you will know the comfort and power of true relationship with our Triune God. Struggle drives me to Him-where else can I go! You may want to read a book called "Shattered Dreams-God's Unexpected Pathway to Joy" by Larry Crabb. I'm learning that I have placed all the second-thing blessings that God has given me into First Place...I have perverted the Gospel into a formula for getting the good life. I have been filled with fear all of my life and especially as a mom I have feared losing my children-in various ways. I hate to admit that it has taken 54 years to begin to understand the freedom in the Gospel and the relationship that is available because of the Gospel. I am excited for you and your precious family and this new little life growing within you. would love to see all of you and your extended family... Cathy Nutting

Marcy said...

I will be faithful to pray for you Addie.

Laurie said...

I will pray for you and the baby.