merry faces, bright eyes, happy hearts

From our home to yours, one (lazy) day late, with extra-special bonus of birth announcement six (lazy) months late. Happy Christmas and merry new year!

that's what he said

As I suspected, Blake's heartache of the other night has not carried over into his days. He gleefully enjoyed a playdate with his dear friend from church and had a good day at school, both of which are good for my heart. I want to help him navigate grief well, but not dwell in it and get all pruney. I think we're doing okay in that regard!

*****
During our hard conversation, we talked about God and heaven and earth and what the Bible teaches about them, and Blake asked, "If God created the heavens and the earth, who created God?"
A: No one. God has always been and always will be. God IS.
B: Wow. Sometimes the universe really blows my mind.
A: Agreed.

*****
B: Mom, the dishwasher's full. Where should I put my bowl?
A: Put it in the top... drawer. Rack. Whatever.
B: Let's call it the top rack.

*****
K: Blake, you are a VERY handsome boy. You look just like your dad.
B: Yeah. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget him, with what I look like.

*****
(a neighbor friend takes Blake with his family to Bible Study Fellowship, and they often stop for dessert afterwards - both BSF and the ice cream are highlights of Blake's day)
J: Kids, we're not stopping for McFlurries tonight.
B: Oh, ok. I was trying to decide if I should tell you: my mom said I couldn't have one because I didn't eat my dinner. But now it doesn't matter!

*****
B: Mom? When can we have split pea soup again? I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE split pea soup. And tomato soup with grilled cheese. Let's have that first.

*****
K: You know, your son is very charming. At one point this summer, he complimented me on my landscaping, then asked if he could jump on the trampoline. How could I say no to a child who used the phrase "I like your landscaping?"

*****
BH (a friend, babysitting): Blake, what do you want to do when you grow up?
B: I don't know. I'll probably work at Oracle.

come, Thou long expected Jesus

From an email I sent Blake's teacher tonight:

Dear Tyler,
Blake asked me to email you with the following: he finds the fact that his father died after Christmas (before he was born) very upsetting, and it might impact how cheerful he is at school.

For context, Blake and I were talking tonight about some of what happened in Connecticut. I used broad strokes and did not give many details, but he now knows why there are lock-down drills and why it is important to be quiet during them. We also covered fire drills, and I emphasized the rarity of ever actually needing to do those things because of bad things happening. Our conversation moved toward his late father and the timing of his death. I've striven to be honest with Blake as his age and understanding permit, and we spoke frankly about things I believed we had covered before, but somehow, he'd never fully understood that Daddy Blake died right after Christmas (our wedding anniversary, Christmas, and his death - 1/1/05, in an avalanche - all hit within ten days of each other). We cried about it together, and he's wrestling with missing a man he never got to know, as I was eight months pregnant when I was widowed. He said he is sad about it every day at school, which I found bittersweet, but a stretch. I think he's probably more lonely than anything, but having something specific to pin hard feelings on is usually helpful at this age.

All I would ask of you is that you be aware of any unusual or subdued moods. You can ask him if that's what's bothering him, but we're now treading a fine line of true emotion and excuse-making for poor decisions... I don't want him blaming sorrow about his loss on every little misbehavior he exhibits, yet I want to be sensitive to his increased understanding about life, death, loss, and the most wonderful/horrible time of the year. I hope you understand why we need to bring you in on this, and we appreciate your kindness to him always.

Please let me know if you have any questions or need further information. I can talk about it openly, and I think we'll be spending some time (as he desires) looking at pictures, telling stories, and possibly watching some videos. If you'd like to borrow my copy of "A Dozen More Turns," it does a very sensitive job of telling the story of the weekend big Blake died. I think I also have a copy of the Storm Stories episode. I'm not sure if the delayed publicity will help or hurt my son, so I'm not sure what I'll show him yet, but those videos could give you a fuller version of where we're coming from.

Thank you so much,
Addie

I have wept and prayed and wept and prayed about the tragedy in Connecticut. I have no wise words, but I have read the wise words of others that have helped me as I process such an act of satanic evil. And ultimately, I trust that God is good, all the time. Even when I cannot see it, God is good.

• A Day for Hatred
• Moore to the Point: School Shootings and Spiritual Warfare

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor does He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

learning how to eat

correcting my neglectfulness

Blogging with more than one child = low priority. I'm sorry about that, because I know this is one of the only ways several friends have of keeping up with our lives. To those friends: get on Facebook. Sadly, I can ALWAYS find time for that.

We had a delightful Thanksgiving in Coeur d'Alene. Mom, Lane, and I stayed in the black on Black Friday by starting at... Goodwill. At 10:30 am. It was perfect. Mom's got a great pic I'll try to snag to share. A few other photos are below, just to do something on this lonely, sad, and neglected blog, and otherwise, this is my Saturday:

• Letting Blake have a doughnut and a half for breakfast earned me the title of "Best Mom Ever." Yeah, the bar is low, but I'll absolutely take it!
• Christmas music, a fire in the stove, an eggnog latte, and one child occupied by a nap with the other occupied by LEGOs (Vesper is really advanced and loves Hero Factory LEGOs already), means I have all the ingredients necessary to address our Christmas cards, sew up stockings, and maybe even put a coat or two of paint on a console table I primed this week. Yes, I AM AMBITIOUS. What, are you new here?
• Ok, I'm not THAT ambitious. I showered, did my hair and makeup... and put my jammies back on. Rob's working from home in HIS jammies, Blake's still in his, Vesper's still in hers. If our dinner guests are lucky, we might all have changed by their arrival. If they are really REALLY lucky, I will text them now and say "Please wear your jammies, so you fit in." They had better not be nude sleepers, because they will be very cold and lonely locked out on the porch.

A friend invited Vesper and I to join us at her table for "Tea with Clara," a Bozeman tradition and precursor to the ballet's showings of The Nutcracker. It was lovely and, though a bit lost on the tiny daughter, I hope it's a tradition we can continue. All the little girls in their Christmas finest were absolutely enthralled by the lovely (and very athletically impressive) ballerinas.

The Harlequin doll and Clara.

This picture is almost a month old, but it's Vesper's five month shot. She grows sweeter and sweeter every day, and we're all having such fun with her. In the last two days, she's started sitting for short spans all on her own, until her balance wavers and she topples sideways into the carpet or us, depending on how fast we are to catch her. She also started, same day I took this picture...

... "solid" food. The quotes are because rice cereal is only a solid if it's mixed really really thickly. She is not a fan of the cereal, but loves the fruit I've been trying out on her, and acted a bit strange after squash, so we'll try that again after a while.

Lane must have bought those funny old glasses we laughed over from Goodwill, because here's Maddox wearing them!

We attended the lighting ceremony at the Lake, all bundled up against the rainy cold.

Happy faces, cold (runny) noses!

Our delightful hosts, the Perrines. Gosh, but I love these guys.

Rob was given a leave of absence to play World of Warcraft in Spokane with his sister, so this is all of the Bedfords you get to see this time. Vesper is wearing and chewing on my mom's wool gloves, naturally.

that's what he said

We're in Coeur d'Alene for Thanksgiving, and we were at the lighting ceremony tonight (it was really spectacular). During the coordinated music/fireworks show, Blake turned to me excitedly:

"Mom! This is one of my favorite Hymen Steamroller songs!"

snapshot of what it's like to parent a 7-year-old boy

So, I don't fault Lifetouch: they are cruising through hundreds of kids a day for school pictures. It's hard to make sure that each and every child takes a really great photo. Ok, I sort of blame Lifetouch. Based on the pics I've gotten of Blake, I'm pretty sure they don't even try. I mostly blame Blake, because he DEFINITELY doesn't try. The below all took place in a 10- to 15-minute span the other day. There are a few good smiles early on, but I realized that the line of the porch went straight through his head, so I had to reposition and try again. Just... just start scrolling.

I had to enlist Rob's help.

Ta da! Finally, something I can WORK with. At least, as all the previous photos show, I had a willing participant. That is, he was willing to have his photo taken, but only on HIS terms, the squirrelly little monkey butt.

After looking more closely at all of these, I might actually like photo 7 best, line through his head or not!

a more cheerful princess leia

I wrangled V back into her Halloween costume (over non-white jammies - I had to get while the gettin' was good!), for a smiling picture of her as Princess Leia. The hat was made by my friend, who cannot legally sell "baby Princess Leia beanies" in her Etsy shop, but what she does with her brown beanies and the potential add-on of two clip-on ear warmers is her business. I'll just point you to her, for those who asked, because HELL NO, I do not knit (or crochet, for that matter). I did make the robe from some white quilting fabric, loosely following the instructions here. It was very easy, only requiring some cutting and hemming. Rather than spend too much time on the belt, I just used silver ribbon.

I think Vesper is like her momma in that she's more photogenic IN hats than out of them. It's awfully convenient when I don't have time to blow-dry my hair and when it's winter and a flower on a headband doesn't protect her adorable ears.

punkinhead

To tide over the grandies and anyone else far away yet near and dear. This sweet little biscuit charms us daily. Vesper only really cries when something is wrong, and if you fix it, she stops crying. She rarely even cries in protest when it's bedtime, just rolling to her side, pulling the blankie up over her face, and sucking her thumb, as if to say, "Thank goodness, you FINALLY put me down! I love sleep." She likes to stand and bounce in your lap and is starting to get the hang of the Johnny Jump-Up, though she's still small enough to slip halfway out one of the leg holes. Blake loves to sit on the floor and help her gently bounce.

She's more serious than I think a baby should be, and you have to work pretty hard to get her to laugh, though she is free and delightful with her smiles. Rob and I are hopeful that more giggles will come, otherwise we'll experience eye-rolling and disdain for our goofy humor at a much earlier age than I'm mentally prepared for. She loves bath time, and kicks and splashes and propels herself up and down the tub surprisingly well, paying no heed to water in her eyes or ears or mouth. We've had to start clipping her into things, as she's very close to rolling over, and I caught her half flipped out of her swing tonight. She kept whining unusually, and I came around the counter to find her on her side in the swing, legs nearly dangling, a bit "What the heck just happened?" in her demeanor.

We're about at a pretty big transition, too, from bassinet in our closet all the way across the house to her own bedroom, in a crib. She nearly fills the bassinet, sleeps pretty much through the night most nights, and has done really well sleeping long and hard when I've put her in her room for some practice sessions in the new digs. I think I'd like to paint the walls well before I move her, but at the rate she's growing, I may not have time!