wrapping it up... thirty days of thanks

November 30

Wrapping up this month of gratitude with that for which I am most thankful: my Redeemer. He lives.

Even though I'm entering my favorite season (have I ever told you I'm a Christmas crack whore? the decorations, the baking, the relationships with family and friends, the entire meaning of the whole thing: I just love it all!) without any outward signs - I won't decorate the condo when I'll just have to take it down in a week, and I can't do anything at the house yet - I'm still so in love with this time of year. People's hearts seem softer, their outlook on life more kind. Perhaps I tend to paint everything with sunshine and rainbows, except NO I DON'T! Read the post below!

I know that this is not a joyous season for everyone. Maybe that adds to my gratitude. I've been saved from so much, and I'm not unaware of the suffering in this world. I have even tasted some of it. What makes it all bearable is that this is not my home, my hope is not here, I am just a stranger in this land. I know a woman who used big Blake's death to convince her that there was no God, and I shake my head in disbelief that a heart could go there.

Without my Jesus, what have I left? I certainly don't always love my circumstances, but the idea that I know better than the Author of the universe is awfully proud - and, well, I struggle with that, at times too. I'm so glad that I do not have to understand it all on this messy earth. I do not have to wrap my tiny little head around the profound pain that exists in a fallen world. All I can really do is cling to the Lord, my Rock and my Salvation, and trust that HE IS GOOD. I wish I were braver to share this need with others in person, but I am a wienie, so here you go:

You need Jesus, and He loves you more than you could possibly imagine.

God is good. All the time!

All the time, God is good. I love Him so.

Now I need to go do something involving glitter... you know, for Christmas.

this is how pathetic i am

A: (weakly, from the couch) Rob?
R: Yep.
A: I just want you to know that I really really love you.
R: (without turning around) I love you too.
A: I just want you to know that. In case I die.
R: (slowly turns to face me) Uh...

For context, the cold I've caught is trying to morph into a chest and sinus infection. I actually feel pretty terrible and have been largely useless for the last three days. Tea is my friend.

grateful for... incredible families

November 29

I have the privilege to be related, by blood or marriage, to many amazing people. I love them all so very much.

The Morstads/Shortridges/Teipes/Pichettes (and even more outliers), those families of my first love and husband, Blake, have huge spirits and generous hearts. Their tenderness towards our son, their love for me and Rob, their compassion for the limiting factors of our circumstances as poor newlyweds all serve to bless me enormously. I am privileged to be part of a such a widespread and raucously close-knit group of clans.

The Bedfords/Sherfeys, the families of my new love and husband, Rob, have welcomed me and little Blake with arms and hearts as wide as the Montana sky. They share my faith and overlook my faults, with a graciousness and patience that encourages and challenges me often, that I could be more like them. Rob even jokes that he's now the outcast, since they clearly prefer me to him, and really, who am I to argue? The sacrificial love they have shown us time and again in the few short years I have known them has revealed to me how thoroughly God answered my prayer when I asked not only for a new husband who honored Him, but for in-laws that served Christ as well, who would have soft hearts for me and my son and our story.

The Myers/Schuylers/Perrines, the family I grew up in and fought with, and those brought into the fold by marriage to a wild Myers girl (though we've all gotten fairly tame through motherhood... well, tame-ish). How fortunate I am that I happen to be related to those precious folks I'd choose to spend time with anyway! My nephews make my heart glad and light, even when they infect me with communicable diseases, because nothing is quite so cute as a two-year-old exclaiming in dismay, "Mom! My boogers are coming out!" when he needs a Kleenex.

Ok, it's a specific kind of cute, especially when I just hacked up a lung and wiped my nose on my sleeve. Again.

Praise God for relationships with open communication and love (nothing drives me quite so batty as poor communication as an avenue for conflict), where even disappointments are handled with grace and kindness, where generosity and humor abounds, where losses are keenly shared and celebrations magnified in kind. I am wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, in all the ways that truly matter.

grateful for... being almost done with this!

November 27

Yesterday I was grateful to be back in my own bed, even if I wasn't able to sleep much in it. Rob and I both tossed and turned, and I can tell he's getting frustrated by lack of sleep by how violently he rolls over. It reaches a point where I'm genuinely concerned about being popped off the bed by a particularly indignant flop.

November 28 

It's hard to feel grateful for much today, because I'm sick as a dog with a nasty cold thanks to one of the ankle biters I was in close quarters with at Thanksgiving. "Cover your mouth!" is a frequent refrain, one often lost on the little shits coughing right in my face. At least I managed to evade the 4-6 hours of puking that tagged Sawyer, Smith, Matt, Blake, and my Mom over the course of a week.

In the absence of anything nice to say, I will leave you with a poem, I'm Thankful, by Jack Prelutsky:

I'm thankful for my baseball bat
I cracked it yesterday
I'm thankful for my chess set
I haven't learned to play
I'm thankful for my mittens
One is missing in the snow
I'm thankful for my hamsters
They escaped a month ago
I'm thankful for my basketball
It sprung another leak
I'm thankful for my parakeet
It bit me twice last week
I'm thankful for my bicycle
I crashed into a tree
I'm thankful for my roller blades
I fell and scratched my knee
I'm thankful for my model plane
It's in a dozen parts
I'm thankful for my target game
I'm sure I'll find the parts
I'm thankful for my bathing suit
It came off in the river
I'm thankful for so many things
except, of course for LIVER!

grateful for... permission

November 26

Warning: all profanity has been edited out. You know, for the children (and my Grammie). Feel free to sub in the worst words possible when reading aloud.

A little background: My friend H and her hubby have been trying to grow their family. After a suitable amount of time, they sought medical help, subsequently discovering that H suffers from endometriosis (uterine tissue grows places it shouldn't, pulling a woman's reproductive system's organs into strange positions, blocking Fallopian tubes, and making pregnancy difficult to achieve without intervention). Specifically, she had a large "chocolate cyst" on an ovary. She has shared her struggle with me and M, and we've done our best to either buoy her spirits or mourn with her as she grieves specific hopes and dreams for her family.

We were particularly dismayed by the term "chocolate cyst." Apparently named for its appearance, we agreed that men have to be the numbskulls behind such a terrible appellation, trying to ruin chocolate for women ALREADY hurting. H requested a nickname, and M eventually landed on "Destructive Little Fricker," or "DLF," as the monster was going to require H to undergo surgery. The day before surgery, we got a message from M that read:

So I just realized that the proper name for the DLF is exactly seven syllables long. Seven! Know what that means? It's PERFECT for a haiku. I mean, it's begging. BEG-GING. Aaaaaand...my productivity level for the day just went down the tubes. Emails with you and Addie to commence in 3...2...1...

H subsequently gave me permission to publish said haiku. We were very productive in a very specific way. You're welcome or I'm sorry. You pick.

Surgery Day: A Haiku

Free the ovary,
Destructive Little Fricker!
Cut, burn, meet your doom.

Kill and maim no more
Destructive Little Fricker!
Cyst removed, clear tubes.

Baby-making fun,
Destructive Little Fricker,
You will ruin no more.

Get out of my friend,
Destructive Little Fricker!
You are going down.

Now what, DLF?
Dancing 'round you with pitchforks.
Made you our be-yotch.

Go go gadget arms
Excise DLF with care
Leave that ovary

Burn, mother fricker,
You're just medical waste now.
Hannah be set free!

You're Terminated
Destructive Little Fricker
You will not be back. (accompanied by a photo of the Terminator)

Frick you, DFL
No more pain on my left side
I am done with you!

No coffee, Fricker
Preparing for surgery
You've hit my last nerve

Thirsty, no caffeine
Can't have best part of morning
Now I'm mad as hell

No coffee, no food
Still, it's the best day ever
Burn, DLF, burn

There's no knife involved
Going under the robot
Coming up cyborg

No coffee morning
Blowing up Addie's inbox
This is what happens

"I am a pumpkin.
She scraped all my insides out."
Quote from drugged Hannah.

grateful for... the richness of fellowship and rich food

November 24

So so much to be thankful for, surrounded by family on Thanksgiving. Our family knows and loves Jesus and shares the promise and hope of God's great rescue plan. There's no estrangement or awkwardness when we are together, just delightful laughter and pleasure in sweet company. We are so incredibly wealthy in all the things that matter. Thank you, Lord, for the blessings we enjoy, this day and always. May we never lose sight of Your never failing, never stopping, always and forever love. May Christ always be sweet to us.

November 25

I was most grateful Friday for sleeping in, having filled a plate at dinner the night before and - joyous event - having been able to actually eat it. I may have turned a corner the last few days, starting to feel less green and being able to eat a wider variety of food.

grateful for... being teased

November 23

I spent a goodly portion of the day on the phone, which is rare for me. I caught up with two sisters-in-love, from two different families, and both conversations were very, very sweet. When I got done with the second, my parents and Rob were seated round the table, having already finished the meal. The moment my butt hit the chair, the three of them leapt up and began chattering loudly into phones they had hidden on their laps, wandering all around the room.

Bewildered, I suddenly realized they had just flash mobbed me, with an execution as synchronized and flawlessly executed as the pros, and burst out laughing.

This snarkiness? THIS IS WHERE I GET IT, PEOPLE. I was taught by the best.

grateful for... inappropriate (and hilarious) haiku

November 22

Today I am grateful for a friend who trusts me enough to share a painful journey she's on and grateful for another friend who had the brilliant idea to write poetry about it.

Haiku, to be exact, with foul language. If H gives me permission, I will publish edited versions at some point. However, I gather from her husband that she's still loopy from the surgery she underwent earlier today. I would totally ask permission now because of that, but I doubt I'd actually reach her on the phone...

I did ask her husband to ask her silly questions and videotape the responses, but that's just reasonable.

grateful for... not having to pull it myself

He came prancing into our room this morning, waving about his tooth and holding a Kleenex to his mouth. Both floss and string slid right off yesterday, and simply tugging on it did no good. We finally gave up, and I instructed him to wiggle it a lot and even twist it. Then I ran screaming from the room with my hands over my eyes, then over my ears, then back over my eyes.

I am a big wienie and have not-great memories of my own tooth travails. No fewer than three had to be yanked by the dentist, and neither a needle to the gums nor that crunching sound are never really forgotten. Shudder and gag.

grateful for... a communing family

November 20

Blake made a public profession of faith and became a communing member of our church family today. I cried.

He has been eager to partake in the Lord's supper, but it took some time for him to reach understanding about what is involved, and the conversations we've had leading up to today have been sweet and funny.

Unfortunately, the children's church class didn't release in time for him to actually HAVE his first communion, but what can you do? We still couldn't be more proud of our little man and his love for Christ.