To Reese, while having lunch today:
B: "Your boobs are big. When you eat lots of food, your boobs get really bigger, like my mom's are bigger."
A: "I don't think that's how it works."
B: "Well, when you eat too many food, your head gets bigger. Like Reese's."
R: "Then I think you're the one that's eating too much. You have a big head."
B: "Yep, it's all right here." (tipping his head back and pointing to his throat)
A: "Do you need to poop?"
B: (anxious face, bowlegged tiptoeing)
A: "Then RUN! Run run run!"
B: (panicked wailing) "I can't run; it makes it come out!"
B: "Have you seen Batman*?
Whomever he's asked answers yes or no, then asks if he's seen it.
B: "I haven't seen Batman because it's a little too scary for me."
*Also Spiderman, The Incredible Hulk, or Superman
B: "Mom, after we finish our dinner, can we have dessert?"
A: "I think that sounds fair."
B: (eyes wide) "Mom! That's a bad word."
I've told him that "fair" will get him no where in this house, and that I consider it a bad word. It has four letters, after all. He's told me all kinds of things won't be fair to him or fair to God, and I usually counter with "The fair only comes once a year. And that's a bad word, please don't say it." Apparently I can't say it now either, though it's in completely different context!
Kids are so LITERAL.