if he's running with scissors, i hope it's not towards the leather couch

I had Blake's parent/teacher conference last week. Yes, apparently they do those in preschool. Knock me over with a feather - I thought this was just glorified babysitting?

Ah, no. Emphatically not. In his class (they have three age groups there), they have been working on geometric figures that include trapezoids, pentagons, hexagons, and octagons. Months of the year (in order), counting and number recognition up to twenty and beyond, days of the week in order, and the child's phone number and address are all covered. I can work on letter (upper and lower case) and number recognition at home, as well as understanding which sounds each letter makes, and giving him more hands-on time with the various denominations of coin and smaller bills. Money is a very esoteric concept for kids to grab, with its subtle differences in coin size and number markings on the bills.

They also work on critical thinking, giving kids scenarios to process and make decisions about what they would do. This is where it gets really interesting.

Q: If there was a fire, what would you do?
A: Go get my mom and dad. And call 99021.

Q: If you were walking on the sidewalk and a stranger pulled up in a car and offered you candy, what would you do?
A: Probably get in the car and go with them.
Q: Would that be safe?
A: Well, they have CANDY.

Q: If you were at the fair, and you couldn't find your mom, what would you do?
A: Go on all the rides.
Q: Really? How would you get the tickets?
A: Well I would just have them. And then I'd ride the rides, and then I would look for my mom.

While this might seem alarming, I have to remember that this is the child who absolutely loses his mind if he thinks I am going to leave him in Target, where "leave him" can be defined as follows:

• Leaving the store without him and making it home before I realize he's missing.
• Leaving the area we are browsing together to go to another area without him before I realize he's missing.
• Leaving the aisle we're in to check down the next aisle without him.
• Facing a direction other than the one he thinks we will be walking next.

Seriously, the way he wails "DON'T LEAVE ME!" makes it seem like I use Target for my babysitting needs on a regular basis "Mom's gotta run to the grocery store. You remember how to get to the LEGO aisle? Great, see you in an hour!"

I can imagine the instructions his teachers think I give him: "ONLY go with strangers if they have candy. If they are offering puppies, tell them we don't have room. And if it's a clown, bring your friends, ESPECIALLY if he's in an unmarked, windowless van."