From an email I had to send yesterday morning:
Though I should be about eleven weeks along, Baby Bedford #1 stopped growing at about seven weeks (four weeks ago). We found out the likelihood of this on Thursday and it was confirmed by hormone levels in my blood yesterday. The doctor also wants to keep an eye on a cyst I have on one of my ovaries (there's a very slim chance of ectopic pregnancy on top of the now-failed intrauterine pregnancy), but otherwise it's just now a waiting process. Hopefully my body will get with the program soon, because the anticipation/dread of the physical manifestations of miscarriage is no fun.
Blake took the news very well, handing me tissues and mostly just assuring himself that there would be another baby soon. "Do you and Dad have to go back to Hawaii then?" Wouldn't that be great?! No, we can make this happen here at home. ;) He also noted that his first baby brother or sister got to meet Daddy Blake before he did, which made him grin. And I love that: Daddy Blake is caring for baby Bedford in Heaven, and Daddy Rob is caring for baby Blake down here.
So... there you have it. Our hearts are doing as well as can be expected, considering we didn't see or hear a heartbeat, which helps keep the pregnancy in the realm of esoteric "idea" for the time being. We are still confident of this: we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. We will wait for the Lord. We'll be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27)
What I didn't put in the email: we thoroughly enjoy the process of trying for a baby, so that part will be great. I will also enjoy a glass or two of wine once I feel a bit physically better (just headache at this point). Blake is already praying for another baby and hasn't skipped a beat in his joyfulness. We trust that the reason this happened is that something was wrong with the baby, and a bit of heartache now compared to the potential for great heartache later is okay. And otherwise, hugs, prayers, warm words are welcome, but I don't really care to talk about it much. You may not like what I have to say anyway!