From an email I had to send yesterday morning:
Though I should be about eleven weeks along, Baby Bedford #1 stopped growing at about seven weeks (four weeks ago). We found out the likelihood of this on Thursday and it was confirmed by hormone levels in my blood yesterday. The doctor also wants to keep an eye on a cyst I have on one of my ovaries (there's a very slim chance of ectopic pregnancy on top of the now-failed intrauterine pregnancy), but otherwise it's just now a waiting process. Hopefully my body will get with the program soon, because the anticipation/dread of the physical manifestations of miscarriage is no fun.
Blake took the news very well, handing me tissues and mostly just assuring himself that there would be another baby soon. "Do you and Dad have to go back to Hawaii then?" Wouldn't that be great?! No, we can make this happen here at home. ;) He also noted that his first baby brother or sister got to meet Daddy Blake before he did, which made him grin. And I love that: Daddy Blake is caring for baby Bedford in Heaven, and Daddy Rob is caring for baby Blake down here.
So... there you have it. Our hearts are doing as well as can be expected, considering we didn't see or hear a heartbeat, which helps keep the pregnancy in the realm of esoteric "idea" for the time being. We are still confident of this: we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. We will wait for the Lord. We'll be strong, take heart, and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27)
What I didn't put in the email: we thoroughly enjoy the process of trying for a baby, so that part will be great. I will also enjoy a glass or two of wine once I feel a bit physically better (just headache at this point). Blake is already praying for another baby and hasn't skipped a beat in his joyfulness. We trust that the reason this happened is that something was wrong with the baby, and a bit of heartache now compared to the potential for great heartache later is okay. And otherwise, hugs, prayers, warm words are welcome, but I don't really care to talk about it much. You may not like what I have to say anyway!
8 comments:
So sorry to hear of you news. What a great response from Blake though -- I'm glad to hear he's keeping your heart in tact. ...and Really? I think you should have answered categorically yes, this does mean Mommy and Daddy are legally required to go back to Hawaii :)
Dear Addie,
As you were there to pray and grieve for me in December, following Kirk's passing....so I will be here to uphold you and Rob and Blake in prayer to our mighty God. While I know you have felt a similar pain in the past...I know that pain may be refreshed at this time. I'm truly thankful that you know, that you know, that you know who God is in your life...and trust that He will make all things clear in His timing. Blessings and love,
My heart is so sad for you :( Praying for your recovery, your hearts and for another miracle baby soon. Love you so much! And, I love Blake's heart in this. May we all have faith like a child.
I love you and I will be praying. I tried to read your post aloud to Aaron and couldn't make it through the parts about Blake without losing it completely. What a caring, loving and compassionate young man. What an excellent reminder of why we have kids.
Now... get back to "work" asap. We cannot WAIT to see and meet a child that you, Rob and God create together. *preemptive gasp and squeal
My heart is breaking here in Oregon...tears are flowing... I am so sorry, darling Addie. It is so hard to lose a baby... Keeping you close and sending you all big hugs. Love you!
I am thankful for you to have love surrounding you! The part about Daddy Blake taking care of Bedford baby and Bedford Daddy taking care of baby Blake really touched my heart in a deep place! I totally get that! Thank you for opening up your heart for us to see in and be blessed! You are a treasure and a delight to have in my life! Blessings, prayers; knowing God will take care of ALL the details!-Sarah B
Addie,
I am so thankful that you are surrounded by love. That makes such a difference! I was really blessed by baby bedford is being taken care of by Daddy Blake and baby blake is being taken care of by Daddy Bedford. I totally get that! I have to admit that because you said I might not want to hear what you have to say...makes me want to know what you would have to say:-) (In a timing that suits you)
Addie,
So sad to read your post today! So thankful for your transparency as you walk through life. I know it touches so many people and encourages us all to be open with our pain and joy. Love the side note about enjoying the process for trying for a baby, there is the bright side :)
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