that's what she said

A dear friend was non-plussed by my coy reference to a baby rather than naming a specific gender and told me I was being mean for holding out on her.

Aside: I think it's fun to wait for the surprise to look forward to after labor and delivery... but a very close second reason to wait is that it's so profoundly annoying/irritating/horrifying/dismaying to those around me. If Rob had really wanted to know, we'd have found out, but he's taking a "No uterus, no opinion" stance so far. It's really kind of him. And smart.

In response to being told I'm withholding and mean, the following text conversation ensued:

A: You're fun to tease. Look at how uncharacteristically patient I am!
J: Why are you choosing now to be patient?! You really not finding out?
A: LOL. Really don't know. On either count. We didn't know with Blake, and I thought it was fun!
J: You are crazy. That's torture to me, not fun. I'm going to send a bright pink outfit, even if it's a boy. He has to wear it.
A: And I will send you photos to prove it. He'll have been called "Marilla" for most of his short life, might as well dress the part!
J: Definitely. Jenna was called "Jomas" for the 8 months I was pregnant. Good times. Just be sure to blog lots about them too so they resent you for that when they're older. One day Jenna will do a "That's What She Said" when I'm senile.
A: It will serve us right. I figure it's our job as parents to give them things to tell the therapist. Otherwise we've not done a good job, right?
J: Absolutely. Now send a belly picture. I want to see Marilla.
A: Only for you. Got to find a mirror that will work. (Awkward search ensues, where I realize that all our bathroom mirrors are framed and hung too tall for such a thing. I finally grab a full-length mirror I've yet to hang, prop it so that the background immediately behind my bump is a plain wall, and awkwardly angle the mirror and my phone to capture a photo wherein I don't have to bend my knees to fit in the frame. Rob just watched, bemused. And probably confused.)
A: My ass is as big as my tummy.
J: Not true. You are so cute and so small. Love it!! You're the best to send a pic. Made my night.
A: Well, good. Rob and I have a plan to post pics of HIS belly for the first few. I've done nothing but lose weight so far.
J: That's nice for a while, I'm sure, but baby needs those calories. Wish I were there to help. I'm good at eating.
A: My new goal: gestational diabetes.

She concluded by requesting a blog post entitled "Shit Women Say in Labor." We'll see what I can do, because what I remember from last time is that pain of that caliber simply makes me whimper (at least until the drugs kicked in). Course, I wasn't really myself at that time, so Rob may be very very right to be scared for this go-round!

ultrasound today! we're having a...

As I remarked on Facebook, you never know what else it might be. And I'm not ready for a puppy.

things i'm making

NOM NOM NOM!

Roasted Cauliflower (believe it or not, super yummy in a nutty, popcorn-y kind of way, and Blake loves it too)

• 1 head cauliflower, washed and broken into bite-sized florets
• Toss with 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil, 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, and either a few grinds of pepper or 1/2 teaspoon of curry powder.
• Turn onto rimmed baking sheet and bake at 475 for 16-18 minutes, turning at least once or twice, until cauliflower is browned in spots.
• Serve right away and watch it disappear!
• This is our side dish with dinner tonight. YUM.

 Artichoke Dip

• 2 jars of artichoke hearts, drained
• 1 can of diced green chiles
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1/2 cup shredded Parmesan

Blend gently, then microwave (checking often) until melted. Serve with buttery crackers or a good, crusty bread.

Papaya Salsa & Brie

• 3 cups diced, peeled, ripe papaya
• 3/4 cup diced, peeled kiwi
• 2 T chopped red bell pepper
• 1 1/2 T minced shallot
• 1 1/2 T chopped fresh cilantro
• 1 1/2 T lime juice
• 1/8 tsp. allspice
• 1 4 oz round of brie

Toss together the papaya through allspice. Serve over warmed brie with crackers or chips.

foooood, glorious foooooood!

I unpacked a box last night (while watching Parks & Recreation - Leslie was having a Belgian waffle and I was looking for my waffle maker), and I discovered my stash of cookbooks.

I had saved out a few classics that I (rarely) referred to, or bought one or two since thinning out the condo, but the assortment I rediscovered last night is a veritable treasure trove of good eats, ranging from comfort food and hot dishes from the high plains of Plentywood, Montana and the remoter corners of British Columbia to fancy, schmancy meals prepared at the Chico Hot Springs Resort or recommended by a collection of gourmands from Alberta, Canada. Throw in a Cake Mix Doctor, a thick Williams-Sonoma, a few books catering specifically to cooking with kids, a smattering of recipes that come with various cooking tools (KitchenAid, Crock-Pot, Weber, Pampered Chef, and DeMarle), and that's not even all of them, and I'm going to be WORTHLESS today.

I'm already plotting a gorgonzola/apple quiche, a cinnamon/vanilla bread pudding with a bourbon sauce, and individual egg/cheese/green chili bakes, and Rob's eager to pick a few to try for the grill and the slow cooker.

Essentially, the next grocery bill might make me faint, BUT IT WILL BE SO MUCH FUN! Who wants to come help me cook and eat?!

a little bit of this, a little bit of that

* I think of bananas as primarily vehicles for Nutella delivery. Or maybe as necessary ingredients in banana-mocha-chocolate-chip muffins. Nothing more.

* My erratic and vague pain seems to be subsiding, with the onset of insomnia! GOOD TIMES! I was waking at about 4:00 or 4:30 every morning, not alert enough to get up, but alert enough to know I wasn't asleep and plenty annoyed by that. I tried to make better choices about my bed time so I'd get more sleep (I usually tuck in around midnight), but it turns out that 4:00 am isn't the magic number. Four hours of sleep total is! After a 10:30 bed time, I woke up at 2:30! I'm continuing to try various things to help me get more good rest, because dropping B off at school and coming home to nap fitfully until noon just isn't cutting it. Neither is passing out cold at 3:00 pm for a few hours.

* Blake lost another tooth! He would love to drop more, but those that remain are not loose, and he declined my offer of a knuckle sandwich to move things along.

* I have a post percolating about a suffering friend and how privileged I've been to walk with her on this road (privileged is a weird word for it, but it really fits best for how I feel about sharing that part of her life), but the insomnia makes whatever insight I have into that process fuzzy and elusive right now.

* Lane should be having a little baby girl at some point today, which is very exciting. Also exciting: I'm very nearly done with the blanket I made for baby Laundry Perrine. And my baby is right now kicking me in a place that feels suspiciously like my own bottom.

* Blake is nonplussed by the name "Marilla" and has put forth his own suggestions: "Sally" if it's a girl, "Chopov" if it's a boy.

* I should have some super-cute family photos to get together for our Valentine this year (might be more of a "Happy Flag Day!" card though, because we're even later than last year!), that includes all three of us in Rob's hammock. We only broke one cord and did not all come tumbling down, which is good. Rob had Matt (our builder/brother-in-law) put 4x4 blocks in between the studs in the office so he (Rob) could string his hammock up there. Just yesterday I went up, expecting to see Rob with headphones on, only to spy an empty chair. I finally found him passed out cold in the hammock. Poor honey, he's had a LONG week.

* Root beer floats are my dessert of choice this week. Jimmy Dean microwaveable breakfast sandwiches are getting me a solid shot of quick protein in the morning, and I ate salad again! Twice! Hurray! I hope to start putting on weight for baby's sake soon, and the half a pan of fudge I've had in the last two days should help. I also plan to switch to whole milk and may begin rubbing butter on myself. Osmosis and such, right?

* Finally, I leave you with this: the magic button. Go ahead. Push it. It's magic!

blerg and derp

Rob and I went in for a "routine" check-up today that should have taken 30-45 minutes. THREE HOURS LATER, we finally left the hospital. After reciting a litany of symptoms that are vague enough to be frustrating but uncomfortable enough to have affected my life poorly, the doc ordered up a second urinalysis (Nurse: Can you pee again? Me: I'm pregnant. I could have peed five minutes after the first urinalysis.), performed a pelvic exam (poor Rob looked everywhere else he could - have I mentioned that our family practice doc is a man?), and a sonogram.

No bladder or urinary tract infection.

No unusual bacteria of any kind in whatever cultures they performed.

Cervix is nice and thick and long, as opposed to... I'm not really sure. I think he was steering clear of saying anything that hinted he was checking to ensure that my body wasn't preparing for preterm labor. I saw right through that, MISTER!

On the Doppler, Marilla's heartrate was 155 beats per minute. On the sonogram, 135. We got a photo that looks really strange, mostly because baby must have put their opposite hand up by their face. The profile is almost wolfish, it's so long in the chin/mouth area. As usual, it was very reassuring to see an actual baby in there. A wiggle-worm, no less, and I marvel at how little of all that squirting around I feel yet.

So, the good news is that there's really no news. I've continued to lose weight, much like I did when pregnant with Blake, but back then I went from 140 to 130 in the first trimester and promptly starting putting weight back on in my second. I'm now WELL into my second trimester and have, once again, lost a total of 10 pounds from my prepregnancy weight. Thing is, I started out weighing more than I did when I delivered Blake, so I wasn't really worried by this news... I mean, I have the weight to spare, you know? The nurse and doc weren't very happy with that though, so I promised to try harder to find more protein and veggies to scarf down. The vague, frustrating, and uncomfortable symptoms (plus fatigue) are the main reasons I find eating a chore right now, and I'll spare you the details, but I'm no longer nauseous. It's just, well... nothing sounds very good, and I don't feel very good.

Until Rob fries up some bacon and eggs over easy while I melt cheese onto toasted English muffins to wrap around the eggs and tender bacon and then I wish he could make me breakfast every morning.

funnies

Does he have better things to do?
Yes. Yes, he does.

Do I care?
Nope. This made me happy.



Shit Girls Say 1 & 2




The third one in this series isn't worth watching, but I have seen both of these with Rob more than once, and he laughs because I say so many of these and I die of horror and shame while laughing until I cry because I SAY SO MANY OF THESE! I know many have already seen them, but I'm pretty sure my mom hasn't and will love them. So you all get to enjoy again..

milestones today

I'm 19 weeks along. That's almost 20 weeks. That's almost half of the total of 40 weeks typically required to bake a baby to perfection. Marilla is fully assembled at this point, she(?) just needs to fluff and get chubby and get longer. And as a reminder, I do not know if we're having a girl. I'm just speaking hopefully and tongue in cheek. Ish.

And in what won't make sense at all, I want to tell you a story about Addie as a gardener. I love to garden. It's one of the few things I can point to any more and say "THAT. That is a hobby of mine." If you looked at my life, you might think that sitting around was also a hobby. I suppose Facebook is a hobby, but it's not one I'll willingly claim. It's more of a substance-abuse thing, and I might need an intervention...

But gardening. I ordered a Burpee catalog, and I'm eagerly awaiting that little delivery of glossy porn, because I have a real yard to play with this year. I may try seeds, but here's the thing with me and seeds: I'm terribly impatient! I have a grow light and a seed tray and I've started plants this way before, but after about a week, I invariably have to take a toothpick or a chopstick and carefully scrape away the top layer of dirt to see if my seeds have sprouted. And then I have to see how close the little plant is to breaking through. It's disruptive to the growing plant and I don't care. I can't help myself. I love to peek!

This last week has been a little scary because I've had some very painful cramping. Painful enough to wake me up, but not accompanied by anything truly panic-inducing like hemorrhaging. Because of how my uterus has relocated things, I can't quite pinpoint what part of my body is cramping. Too low for tummy, possibly too low for uterus, too high for round ligament pain. Intestines? Should I be expecting a painful time on the toilet? When said painful time never arrived, I started wondering what the hell was going on. Because I've only felt Marilla in this past week, I couldn't be certain that I was still feeling baby movement, or if it was gas or or or. So on Tuesday, I went to the doctor and begged for a heartbeat check (it's also been quite a while since my last doctor visit due to the holidays and my doc's schedule). I was reminded of my gardening need: if I could just gently peek inside me and check on that baby, I'd feel so much better.

155 beats per minute later, the doc posited that perhaps I had a touch of a stomach bug and advised warm baths and prunes (see post below). And I've felt Marilla more strongly each day since, in that gut dropping feeling you get on a roller coaster when the ride drops more quickly than your body expects. It's disorienting to physically experience that when you're sitting quite still (see above: alternate hobby), but still wonderfully reassuring.

*****
Blake had his first basketball game this morning! He's in a mini-league with a local church, where they focus on teaching basic skills and glorifying God through their play. His team is the Encouragers, they don't actually keep score, and he made a basket during the game! It was one of those "I'm going to die of all the awkward cuteness" hours, everyone gets equal play time, and the coaches are incredibly patient. He loves it.

*****
I can almost park in the garage.

*****
The orchid Rob gave me for Mother's Day one or two years ago (can't remember which) is about to bloom for the first time since the original blooms were done. Not only have I kept it alive (orchids scare me), but it's thriving! I'm so proud.

got me a little buggy

I hate grocery shopping when so much can be guessed (wrongly or rightly) about your purchase.

"Yes, this is all I found that I wanted. Prunes. Please just move me along quickly and quietly, and I'll pray the prunes do the same."

in and out

Marilla has some interesting tastes. She likes spicy, but things that are normally well within my tolerance have my mouth a-burning more than usual, like my own Thai recipes. There are some other strange changes as well. I've decided to chronicle them a la Heidi Klum on Project Runway.

Coke or Pepsi: You're in. The sweet but almost savory taste of you is just exactly right and so very refreshing, despite the fact that I wouldn't even SLUM with you before now, if my original soda of choice was unavailable.

Dr. Pepper: You're out. Cloyingly sweet and almost syrupy, there are very few things I want you to accompany at meal time, and drinking you alone is absolutely unthinkable. I know we've grown up together and you were the source of some real friction between me and big Blake, but just think of how proud he'd be of me now, having forsworn you.

Smarties or Haribo Gummies: You're in. Fruity candy is my favorite! A three-pound bag of gummi bears from World Market? Don't mind if I do. My jaw will be very sore from all the chewy goodness, but it will be the soreness of a good workout. Probably.

Chocolate (including M&Ms) or caramel: You're out. I'm not sure why. I can do a rare and very specific kind of truffle from La Chatelaine, but otherwise I still have Milk Duds in the pantry from before we moved. I made caramels over Christmas. Delicious, melty, chewy caramels that I can easily pass by on my way to my enormous bag of gummi bears, when homemade caramels used to be the bane of my sweet tooth.

Orbit spearmint gum: You're out. Too sweet.

Extra peppermint gum: You're in. Nice and spicy! Too bad I just bought a Costco-sized box of the wrong-flavored Orbit before discovering this. Dammit.

White chocolate mochas: You're out. Too sweet no matter how little white chocolate powder I add. If I skip the powder, I can't drink the bitter brew. WHAT THE HELL?! I LIVED ON THESE!!! 

Eggnog lattes: You're in. Or at least you were, when I could still find eggnog. Dammit.

Double 12-oz peppermint white mochas with half the syrup: You're in. Since when do I prefer the taste of Starbucks? Marilla, you done sold out, yo.

Caramel corn: You're out. Too sweet and sticky, but at least good and crunchy.

BBQ potato chips: You're in. I never ever EVER eat potato chips. Until now, apparently. Savory and crunchy and get this bag away from me.

Fruit: You're in. I can't get enough because I actually feel GOOD about you! Yay fruit!

Vegetables: You're out. Marilla and I are going to have some serious words over this, because I LIKE VEGGIES. The few I've been able to steadily abide are edamame, sweet potato fries, broccoli, and artichokes. Nice and starchy. My usual standby, avocados, have been relegated to the dust bin, but I'm just SURE it's because I cannot find good ripe ones, and by the time they are ripe, they are overripe and brown in the depths of my fridge and it's too sad to cut into one and promptly have to throw it away. How do you have nachos without chunks of avocado, I ask you? You don't.

Auf wiedersehen.

this one's for mrs. sherfey

Sister-in-love, I'm sorry it's almost a month late. :/ You, I'm sure, understand, since Christmas and more visitors and unpacking and a week of total lethargy have happened since taking the photos I was originally to publish for you. Enjoy! (Everyone else: you can enjoy too, but as far as YOU'RE concerned, I'm not late at all!)

Ok everyone, ignore the fact that it's apparently snowing indoors, let's just show Rachel that we are NOT having ANY fun without her. None.

C: I AM smiling.
A: No, we're showing Rachel how we miss her. We're frowning.
C: Well, I'm doing that too.

Rob's shelf, filled with nerdy things that had Blake distracted every time I sent him upstairs.

The secret door, which has been really fun to show people, who FREAK OUT!

Rob's lair (I hate the term "man cave"), which I love. He can do whatever he likes with the decor up in here, and I never have to see it if I don't want to. Not in frame: the Snuggie, which he is unashamed about loving and wearing while working.

What I married into. It's only a matter of time until Joyce and I are converted to the (wildly expensive) dark side of smart phones.

Cuties, working on a Christmas sticker book.

"Come out, baby!" Sawyer likes to encourage the baby in his momma's tummy to come see him. He now knows to do the same with my tummy, and will also tell you about the baby in HIS tummy.

Careful when wrestling with the Sawdog: he's a bruiser and goes at you head first!

Chatting up a grandparent. He's become such a little dude, and if he's not pacing when he gets on the phone, he holds this pose.

Brekky at the Bedfords' this morning, with friends Joel (left) and Kale (right).

happy new year?

A friend wrote this, and I've asked permission to repost (haven't actually gotten permission yet, but I'm confident she won't mind, and when she gives permission, I'll tell you her name, if she's okay with that). I've been listless and weary since Christmas, and it only recently occurred to me that it was lead-up to a difficult anniversary for me. While pregnant, no less, and nearing what would have been the arrival of baby Maui. A triple threat! A good reason to move from bed to couch to fridge and back! To paint my toenails because I can still reach them! To get caught up on TV I'm a bit too embarrassed to confess I'm in the midst of! To let Blake play obscene amounts of LEGO Universe while trying very hard not to think very hard about much of anything!

And then I read this. It's just lovely, a word I'm quite fond of lately, but find a better word for it:

2011
We've run a good race, friends.

The trail of the year went through mud,
through forest & field;
over hills, down through valleys.
We stumbled & fell;
and skipped & laughed.
We stopped in fear,
but we always started again.
We didn't give up;
Through the dark night,
there was faith.
We looked through tears
with childlike eyes,
and You saw us.

You say:
"You've run a good race, friend.
Thank you for your faith.
Thank you for your love of Me.
I saw you this year,
I see you now.
I sing over you: Just believe, don't give up.
I'll give you new strength
for this new year."

It's a new year,
it's a new day.
There's Joy coming like a train.

And we sing a new song to start again.
We're following Yeshua, not following religion.
Pressing on toward the prize,
Onward to Zion.